Sister, You Were Not Built to Be Broken
How Strong Women Become Targets in Toxic Workplaces—and How to Rise Above It
I’m writing this for the woman who is holding it together on the outside while quietly falling apart on the inside. The one who still shows up, still leads, still smiles, even when she’s being targeted by the very people she trusted. The one who second-guesses emails she never would have questioned before. The one who rehearses conversations in the shower, replays meetings at 2 a.m., and wonders how she went from thriving to simply surviving.
I see you. And I need you to hear this: you were not built to be broken.
When Being Good at Your Job Made You a Target
I didn’t see it coming. It rarely announces itself.
I entered my role with confidence, experience, and a genuine commitment to making a difference. I asked questions. I challenged inefficiencies. I advocated for better. I believed, because I had always been told, that these were the marks of strong leadership.
What I didn’t know was that I had stepped into an environment where those exact qualities would make me a target.
The shift was subtle at first—almost polite.
My direct communication became “too aggressive.” My drive for excellence became “too ambitious.” My willingness to challenge ineffective processes became “resistance.” No matter how much I adjusted, the narrative never changed. I softened. I became more cautious. I worked harder to accommodate everyone around me.
And somehow, I was still the problem.
The Slow Erosion Nobody Warns You About
Confidence doesn’t disappear overnight. That’s what makes this so dangerous.
It happens slowly. Quietly. One dismissed idea, one excluded meeting, one rewritten narrative at a time, until you find yourself replaying conversations long after they’ve ended, analyzing emails before you send them, and second-guessing decisions you once made without hesitation.
Without realizing it, I was shrinking myself just to survive.
The effects didn’t stay at work. They followed me home. Weekends became recovery time. Sleep became elusive. The woman who had once walked into rooms with certainty was now measuring her worth through the opinions of people who needed her to stay uncertain.
But the most painful part? I had started believing them.
That realization broke something in me—and it also, eventually, set me free.
The Question That Changed Everything
My turning point didn’t come with fanfare. It came with a quiet, radical question:
What if the environment is the problem, not me?
That single shift in perspective changed everything.
I began to see the patterns clearly. The criticism wasn’t constructive; it was controlling. The expectations weren’t unclear; they were intentionally shifting. The culture wasn’t broken—it was working exactly as designed, to keep certain people small, uncertain, and compliant.
Once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.
I stopped internalizing every negative message. I stopped trying to earn approval from people who had already decided who I was. I started trusting my instincts again. And slowly—powerfully—I started coming back to myself.
What Targeting Actually Reveals
Here is what I know now that I wish I had known then:
Healthy leaders are not threatened by strong women. They don’t silence different perspectives or diminish others to elevate themselves. They build environments where talented people can challenge, contribute, and grow.
Toxic cultures do the opposite—and they are most threatened by the women who care deeply, think independently, and refuse to compromise their values.
They targeted me because of what I carried, not because of what I lacked.
Sister, the same is true for you.
Rising: And What It Really Looks Like
Today, I can see it clearly: the qualities that made me a target were never my weaknesses. My resilience wasn’t a flaw. My voice wasn’t a problem. My ambition wasn’t something to apologize for.
They were—and still are—my greatest strengths.
This experience taught me that you can survive toxic environments without losing yourself permanently. You can rebuild what was taken. You can reclaim your voice, your confidence, your sense of self, and emerge not just intact, but expanded.
I did. And my greatest achievement wasn’t enduring the targeting.
It was rising above it.
A Word Before I Let You Go
If you’ve been made to question your worth because of how you’ve been treated, I need you to hear this:
The confident, capable woman you were before the criticism? She still exists. The leader who trusted her instincts is still there. She didn’t disappear. She’s just been waiting—underneath survival mode, underneath the second-guessing, underneath the weight of other people’s insecurity—for you to remember her.
You can find your way back. I promise you that.
Choose environments that value your authenticity. Choose leadership that challenges you to expand, not shrink. And trust yourself again—fully and without apology.
Because the right environment will never ask you to become less in order to belong. It will call forward the more that was always already in you.
Lead with grit. Lead with grace. And never let anyone else’s insecurity convince you that your strength is something to hide.
You were not built to be broken, sister. You were built for rising.
“The right environment will never ask you to become less in order to belong.”
“If you know that feeling… this is for you.”
“And if someone in your life needs these words today… please send it to her. She’s waiting for it. 🤍”
