Starting Over or Moving Forward?
How Life's Transitions Are About Moving Forward, Not Starting Over
One of the phrases I hear most often when people are facing a major life change is, "I feel like I'm starting over."
I've heard it from people changing careers, returning to school, ending relationships, relocating to a new city, or rebuilding after an unexpected setback.
I've said it myself.
At first glance, the phrase seems accurate. When we leave something familiar behind, it can feel as though we're returning to the beginning. The job is new. The environment is unfamiliar. The future is uncertain.
But over time, I've come to believe that most of us aren't actually starting over.
We're moving forward.
The distinction may seem small, but for me, it changed the way I viewed some of the biggest transitions in my life.
Every Step Forward Was Built Upon Everything That Came Before It
For many years, I measured progress by milestones: earning my GED, going back to college, completing my degrees, and advancing my career. Each achievement felt like a step toward something new.
What I didn't fully appreciate at the time was that every step forward was built upon everything that came before it.
When I decided to return to school years after earning my GED, I often felt like I was starting over. I was older than many of my classmates, balancing work and family responsibilities, and carrying doubts that had followed me since childhood.
For years, I had believed that education simply wasn't my strength. Discovering that I had dyslexia explained many of my struggles, but it didn't immediately erase the self-doubt that came with them.
Yet I wasn't starting from the beginning.
I was bringing years of life experience into the classroom with me. I was bringing resilience, determination, and a work ethic shaped by challenges I had already overcome. I was bringing the perspective of a mother who understood the importance of investing in the future.
The classroom was new.
I was not.
Leaving Felt Risky
The same lesson appeared again later in my career.
After years at Sandia National Laboratories, I made the difficult decision to leave a place that had become home. The laboratory was where I had grown professionally, completed my education, and built relationships that would influence me for years to come.
Leaving felt risky.
It felt uncertain.
It felt like stepping into the unknown.
I accepted a position in Washington State, sold my home, packed my belongings, and started a new chapter.
Three months later, I was laid off.
At first, it felt as though everything I had worked toward had suddenly disappeared.
I remember sitting with that disappointment and wondering what came next. For one day, I allowed myself to feel frustrated, discouraged, and angry.
Then I did what I had learned to do throughout my life.
I made a plan.
I Wasn't Actually Starting Over
Looking back, I realize the reason I could do that wasn't because I was fearless. It was because I wasn't actually starting over.
I still had my education.
I still had my experience.
I still had the confidence that came from overcoming challenges before.
I still had the mentors who had invested in me and the lessons they had taught me.
My circumstances had changed.
I had not.
That realization carried me through one of the most uncertain periods of my life.
My dog and I moved into a travel trailer and began a journey throughout the Southwest while I searched for the next opportunity. To some people, that chapter might sound frightening.
Oddly enough, I remember feeling excited.
Every major turning point in my life had begun with uncertainty. Why should this one be any different?
Eventually, that journey brought me to Utah, where I found opportunities, experiences, friendships, and a future I never could have predicted.
If someone had told me years earlier that a layoff would eventually lead me to one of the happiest chapters of my life, I probably wouldn't have believed them.
But that's often how growth works.
We rarely understand the purpose of a transition while we're living through it.
We only see the connections when we look back.
We Underestimate What We're Bringing With Us
One of the reasons so many of us fear change is that we underestimate what we're bringing with us. We focus on what we're leaving behind instead of recognizing everything we've gained along the way.
We see the uncertainty. We forget the experience.
We see the risk. We forget the resilience.
We see the unfamiliar path ahead. We forget the strength we developed on the path behind us.
The truth is that every challenge, success, setback, and lesson becomes part of who we are. Those experiences don't disappear when we enter a new chapter. They become the foundation we build upon.
Moving Forward
That's why I no longer think of life's transitions as starting over.
Starting over suggests that everything behind us has been erased.
Moving forward recognizes that every lesson, every mistake, every accomplishment, and every piece of hard-earned wisdom comes with us.
The destination may change.
The circumstances may change.
The plan may change.
But we do not return to the beginning.
We carry our experiences with us.
We carry our growth with us.
We carry the person we've become with us.
Today, when I face uncertainty, I try to remind myself of a simple truth.
The path ahead may be unfamiliar.
The destination may be unclear.
But I am not beginning from nothing.
Neither are you.
Every lesson you've learned.
Every challenge you've overcome.
Every skill you've developed.
Every relationship you've built.
Every success and every setback.
They all come with you.
So, the next time life asks you to begin again, consider another possibility.
Maybe you're not starting over.
Maybe you're simply moving forward.
