Stop Networking for Favors: Build the Kind of Relationships That Open Doors
Stop treating networking as a transaction and start building relationships that actually work for both sides.
Do you dread networking? I sure used to.
That’s because most people—especially those just starting out in their careers or pivoting into new spaces—think of networking as a transactional, slightly awkward exchange of names, titles, and half-hearted follow-ups that never go anywhere.
It feels forced because it is forced—and more importantly, it misses the point entirely.
Effective networking is about building relationships that actually work—for both sides.
A close friend of mine, Joshua Morgan, once told me something that completely reframed how I approach networking:
“You want to find someone who used to be where you are and is now where you want to be.”
It sounds simple, but it’s incredibly precise guidance.
These are the people who can bridge the gap between where you are and where you’re going. They don’t just have access—they have context. They remember what it felt like to be in your position, and they understand what it takes to move forward.
That combination makes their advice sharper, their introductions more relevant, and their support more meaningful.
But identifying the right people is only step one. What you do next is where most people get it wrong.
Networking Is a Long Game
If you approach networking with urgency—I need something now—you’ll almost always undermine the outcome you’re hoping for.
The real goal is to build relationships where, over time, someone feels like they know you—not just your résumé, but your thinking, your strengths, and your energy.
And that leads to moments that actually matter:
- They hear about an opportunity and immediately think of you
- They bring your name up in rooms you’re not in
- They don’t just refer you—they recommend you
That level of advocacy doesn’t come from a single coffee chat or a well-written follow-up email. It comes from consistency—from staying in touch and showing up as someone worth remembering.
In other words, networking isn’t an event—it’s a relationship you maintain.
It Only Works If It Goes Both Ways
There’s another misconception that trips people up: the idea that networking is about getting something from someone.
It’s not.
If you show up focused only on what you can receive, people will feel it immediately—and disengage just as quickly.
Strong networks are built by people who know how to contribute. You don’t need to have all the answers or a powerful network of your own—you just need to be present and engaged:
- Make thoughtful observations instead of surface-level comments
- Ask questions that show you’re actually paying attention
- Share relevant ideas, articles, or connections when you can
- Follow up in a way that adds value, not just asks for it
A good conversation feels like a dialogue, not a transaction. And that’s what people remember.
What Effective Networking Actually Looks Like
It’s slower than you think, more human than you expect, and far more strategic than simply “putting yourself out there.”
It looks like identifying people whose paths align with your goals—and then taking the time to build real rapport. It looks like staying top of mind without being intrusive. It looks like showing genuine curiosity and offering value wherever you can.
Over time, it becomes something much more powerful than a list of contacts. It becomes a network of people who are willing to advocate for you when it counts.
That’s the difference.
Not who you know—but who knows you well enough to act on your behalf.
