Neta Raz Studnitski

Do you dread networking? I sure used to.

That’s because most people—especially those just starting out in their careers or pivoting into new spaces—think of networking as a transactional, slightly awkward exchange of names, titles, and half-hearted follow-ups that never go anywhere.

It feels forced because it is forced—and more importantly, it misses the point entirely.

Effective networking is about building relationships that actually work—for both sides.

A close friend of mine, Joshua Morgan, once told me something that completely reframed how I approach networking:

“You want to find someone who used to be where you are and is now where you want to be.”

It sounds simple, but it’s incredibly precise guidance.

These are the people who can bridge the gap between where you are and where you’re going. They don’t just have access—they have context. They remember what it felt like to be in your position, and they understand what it takes to move forward.

That combination makes their advice sharper, their introductions more relevant, and their support more meaningful.

But identifying the right people is only step one. What you do next is where most people get it wrong.

Networking Is a Long Game

If you approach networking with urgency—I need something now—you’ll almost always undermine the outcome you’re hoping for.

The real goal is to build relationships where, over time, someone feels like they know you—not just your résumé, but your thinking, your strengths, and your energy.

And that leads to moments that actually matter:

• They hear about an opportunity and immediately think of you
• They bring your name up in rooms you’re not in
• They don’t just refer you—they recommend you

That level of advocacy doesn’t come from a single coffee chat or a well-written follow-up email. It comes from consistency—from staying in touch and showing up as someone worth remembering.

In other words, networking isn’t an event—it’s a relationship you maintain.

It Only Works If It Goes Both Ways

There’s another misconception that trips people up: the idea that networking is about getting something from someone.

It’s not.

If you show up focused only on what you can receive, people will feel it immediately—and disengage just as quickly.

Strong networks are built by people who know how to contribute. You don’t need to have all the answers or a powerful network of your own—you just need to be present and engaged:

• Make thoughtful observations instead of surface-level comments
• Ask questions that show you’re actually paying attention
• Share relevant ideas, articles, or connections when you can
• Follow up in a way that adds value, not just asks for it

A good conversation feels like a dialogue, not a transaction. And that’s what people remember.

What Effective Networking Actually Looks Like

It’s slower than you think, more human than you expect, and far more strategic than simply “putting yourself out there.”

It looks like identifying people whose paths align with your goals—and then taking the time to build real rapport. It looks like staying top of mind without being intrusive. It looks like showing genuine curiosity and offering value wherever you can.

Over time, it becomes something much more powerful than a list of contacts. It becomes a network of people who are willing to advocate for you when it counts.

That’s the difference.

Not who you know—but who knows you well enough to act on your behalf.

There’s a moment in every workplace conflict where the actual problem quietly exits the room… and something else takes its seat.

It looks like a disagreement about timelines.

Or ownership.

Or “just a miscommunication.”

It’s rarely any of those things.

What you’re actually watching is positioning.

What We Learned in Preschool (And Forgot in Meetings)

In early childhood environments, positioning is almost comically visible.

One child crosses their arms, turns their body away, and declares: “You can’t play.”

Another hovers nearby, unsure whether to push back or retreat.

A third swoops in as the “rule enforcer.”

No one is just playing. Everyone is taking a role.

That same dynamic doesn’t disappear in adulthood—it just gets better dressed and hides behind Slack messages and calendar invites.

Positioning theory, originally rooted in social psychology, explains how people assign roles to themselves and others in interactions—often unconsciously—based on perceived power, intent, and narrative.

At work, those roles sound like:

• “I’m the one cleaning up your mess.”
• “You’re the bottleneck.”
• “I’m the reasonable one here.”

And suddenly, we’re not solving a problem—we’re defending a position.

The Workplace Scenario (You’ve Seen This One)

Let’s set the scene.

A product launch is behind schedule.

Marketing says they didn’t get final assets.

Product says Marketing kept changing requirements.

Customer Support is frustrated because they’re getting heat from users with no answers.

A meeting is called.

On paper, it’s about timelines.

In reality, here’s what’s happening:

• The Head of Marketing leans back, arms crossed, speaking in clipped sentences: “We flagged this weeks ago.”
• The Product Manager leans forward, talking quickly, slightly louder than usual: “That’s not accurate—we never got final approval.”
• Support stays quiet at first, then jumps in with: “We’re the ones dealing with customers right now.”

Within five minutes, the room has divided itself.

Not by department—but by position.

If You Only Listen to Words, You Miss the Plot

Here’s where most people get stuck: they listen to what is being said and completely miss how it’s being said.

And that’s where the real data lives.

Because communication isn’t just verbal—it’s layered. Tone, posture, pacing, and facial expressions all shape meaning, often more powerfully than words themselves.

In fact, research shows that nonverbal cues like body language and tone heavily influence how messages are interpreted, conveying emotion and intent that words alone may not capture.

So let’s replay that meeting—but this time, we observe.

• Crossed arms → defensiveness or self-protection (not necessarily aggression)
• Leaning forward + faster speech → urgency, maybe fear of being blamed
• Silence → not disengagement, but calculation (or lack of psychological safety)

Now the story changes.

This isn’t a fight about deliverables.

It’s a room full of people trying to avoid being positioned as “the problem.”

The Shift: From Blame to Curiosity

Once you see positioning, something powerful happens:

You stop asking, “Who’s right?”

And start asking, “What role is each person trying to protect?”

That shift alone can de-escalate a situation.

Because most workplace conflict isn’t about facts—it’s about identity.

• The competent one
• The reliable one
• The strategic one
• The one who’s “not the reason this failed”

And when those identities feel threatened, people don’t collaborate—they defend.

How to Use Positioning to Navigate Office Politics (Without Becoming Political)

This isn’t about manipulating the room. It’s about reading it accurately—and responding with intention.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

1. Watch before you speak

Who’s leaning in? Who’s pulling back? Who interrupts, and who hesitates?

Nonverbal cues are often more honest than polished statements.

2. Name the dynamic (gently)

Not: “You’re being defensive.”

But: “It sounds like everyone’s trying to make sure their team isn’t carrying the blame.”

You’re not accusing—you’re reframing.

3. Reposition the problem, not the people

Shift from:

• “Marketing vs Product”
• To:
• “We’re missing a shared definition of ‘final’”

Now the enemy is the gap, not each other.

4. Adjust your own positioning

Your tone, posture, and word choice matter.

Open posture. Slower pace. Neutral language.

You’re signaling: I’m not here to win. I’m here to understand.

And that changes how others show up.

The Real Skill No One Teaches

We spend years learning how to communicate clearly.

Almost no time learning how to interpret communication accurately.

And yet, that’s the skill that determines whether a conversation escalates… or resolves.

Because the truth is:

The loudest voice in the room isn’t always the most powerful.

The most logical argument doesn’t always win.

And the actual conflict is almost never the one on the agenda.

If you want to navigate workplace dynamics more effectively, don’t just listen to what people say.

Watch how they position themselves.

Listen for what they’re protecting.

Pay attention to what’s not being said.

Because once you see positioning…

You stop reacting to conflict—and start understanding it.

There’s a moment I see all the time.

An employee sits in a 1:1, waiting.

They’ve been performing well, picking up extra work, and quietly hoping someone notices.

The manager says, “Everything looks great. Keep it up!”

And just like that… the moment passes.

No growth conversation.

No direction.

No mentorship.

Both people leave that meeting thinking they did their job.

Neither realizes they just missed one of the most important opportunities they had.

We tend to treat mentorship at work like a “nice to have”—something informal, optional, and personality-dependent. But in reality:

If mentorship isn’t happening between managers and employees, growth is happening by accident.

And accidental growth is inconsistent, inequitable, and often just too late.

The strongest teams I’ve seen—the ones that scale, retain talent, and actually enjoy working together—have one thing in common:

👉 Mentorship is not separate from the work. It is the work.

Managers Who Mentor Are Winners (Even If It Feels Like “Extra Work”)

The #1 objection from managers to mentorship is, “I don’t have time to mentor.”

I get it. Managers are stretched.

But on the flip side, managers who don’t mentor end up:

• Re-explaining the same things
• Fixing avoidable mistakes
• Losing strong employees to other teams (or companies)

Meanwhile, managers who do mentor are building something very different.

A manager I worked with had a high-performing team but constant burnout.

Instead of hiring more people, she did something simple: she started using her 1:1s differently.

Instead of focusing on status updates and task reviews, she began asking her team members, “What’s something you want to get better at this quarter?”

By the next quarter:

• Delegation improved
• Ownership increased
• Escalations dropped

Nothing about the workload changed. The capability did.

Employees: You Can’t Afford to “Wait to Be Mentored”

Your manager might be great. They might also be overwhelmed, distracted, or simply not thinking about your growth as much as you are.

That’s not personal.

Which means:

If you don’t actively build the mentorship relationship, you’re leaving your growth up to chance.

A sales professional I coached told me about an enablement role in their department they had been eyeing for a while. They kept saying, “My manager knows I want to grow.”

When I asked how the manager knew, the answer was, “I mean… I’ve hinted at it.”

I spent the session helping them reframe their approach.

In their next 1:1, instead of hinting, they said:

“I’d love your help growing into a Sales Enablement Manager. What would you need to see from me to feel confident recommending me for it?”

That single shift:

• Opened ongoing mentorship conversations
• Created clear expectations
• Led to real opportunities in a matter of months

Simply because the communication changed.

For Managers: Creating a Mentorship-Driven Environment

Make mentorship part of your role, not an add-on.

If you’re managing people, you’re developing them—whether you’re intentional about it or not.

Make mentorship visible and accessible.

Normalize growth conversations so employees don’t feel like they’re asking for special treatment. If employees feel like they’re “asking for too much,” you’ve already lost momentum.

Create psychologically safe 1:1s.

Make space for honest conversation by listening more than you speak and avoiding immediate judgment.

Don’t wait for employees to ask.

Many won’t—especially your most thoughtful, self-aware ones.

Don’t assume you know what they want.

You’d be surprised how often you’re wrong. Career goals are often more nuanced than they appear.

Ask better questions.

Skip “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Try:

• “What kind of work energizes you most?”
• “What feels easy to you that others struggle with?”

Give feedback people can actually use.

“Be more proactive” isn’t feedback.

“Next time, bring one proposed solution along with the problem” is.

Don’t delay difficult feedback.

Avoiding feedback delays growth and erodes trust.

Create stretch—not stress.

Growth opportunities should feel like progression, not punishment or an extra burden. Introduce additional responsibilities gradually, ensuring they are meaningful but manageable.

Advocate for your team.

Use your visibility to highlight employee contributions and potential.

Common Challenges for Managers

An employee wants growth you can’t immediately offer:

• Be transparent about constraints
• Collaborate on alternative development paths
• Keep the conversation ongoing

Leadership pushes back on promotions or title changes:

• Share context honestly without undermining leadership
• Translate feedback or a “no” into a roadmap of actionable next steps—not a dead end
• Continue advocating while managing expectations

You need to deliver difficult feedback from leadership:

• Focus on clarity, not blame
• Anchor feedback in development and future success
• Offer support in closing the gap

Balancing development with productivity feels challenging:

• Integrate growth into existing work rather than adding separate tasks
• Delegate with intention, not just necessity

For Employees: Building a Mentorship Relationship with Your Manager

Build trust through consistency.

Show up prepared, follow through on commitments, and communicate clearly. Trust is the foundation of any mentorship relationship.

Use your 1:1s strategically.

If you’re only giving updates, you’re underusing your most valuable resource. Bring questions, insights, and reflections. Treat these conversations as opportunities, not status meetings.

Be clear about what you want (even if it’s evolving).

Clarity builds trust. Vagueness creates hesitation.

Don’t assume your work speaks for itself.

It doesn’t. Visibility matters. Silence can be misinterpreted as contentment. If you want growth, articulate it.

Position growth as contribution—not an escape.

Frame your aspirations as growth within the organization, not dissatisfaction with your current role. “I want to grow here” lands very differently than “I want out of this role.”

Don’t signal urgency without evidence.

“I’m ready for the next step” needs to be backed by action. Avoid language that signals impatience or expectation without evidence.

Ask for mentorship directly.

Many managers won’t assume you want guidance unless you say so. Be specific about what you’re looking for—skills, exposure, feedback, or direction.

Not: “Can you mentor me?”

But: “Can you help me get better at [X]?”

Show readiness before asking for an opportunity.

Take initiative, volunteer for stretch tasks, proactively solve problems, and stay open to feedback. Growth is easier to support when it’s already visible.

Don’t wait for permission to grow—and don’t over-rely on your manager.

Mentorship is collaborative. Take ownership of your development instead of expecting direction for every step. Start building the skills before the title changes.

Common Challenges for Employees

If your manager is not collaborative:

• Adjust your approach—be more structured and specific in your asks
• Seek micro-mentorship moments instead of large commitments
• Build a broader support system while maintaining professionalism

You’re worried about signaling you want to leave:

• Emphasize growth within the team or company
• Tie your development to team goals and impact

You’re not getting opportunities:

• Ask for small, low-risk ways to contribute beyond your role
• Propose solutions instead of waiting for assignments

Mentorship Is a Partnership

The best mentorship relationships look more like an alignment of forces rather than a hierarchy:

• Managers who see developing people as part of their success
• Employees who take ownership of their growth

When both sides show up that way, something changes. Growth stops being a conversation you “get to later.” It becomes how work gets done.

Final Thought

Mentorship doesn’t require more time.

It requires more intention.

And in most teams, the opportunity isn’t missing.

It’s just being overlooked—one 1:1 at a time.