Stop Shrinking: The Power of Taking Up Space
Reclaiming Your Voice and Confidence in Spaces Not Built for You
Stop Shrinking: The Power of Taking Up Space
By De’Andra Dooley
Somewhere along the way, many women learn an unspoken rule: be impressive, but not intimidating. Be confident, but not “too much.” Speak up, but make sure you remain likable while doing it.
For years, I did what so many women do—I adjusted. I softened my opinions, questioned my expertise, and made myself smaller in rooms where I already had to work twice as hard to be seen. I thought fitting in was the key to success.
What I have learned instead is this: some spaces were never designed with us in mind to begin with.
And once you realize that, everything changes.
You stop viewing your differences as liabilities and start recognizing them as strengths. You stop apologizing for your ambition. You stop waiting for permission to take yourself seriously.
Most importantly, you stop shrinking yourself just to make other people comfortable.
That does not mean becoming arrogant or dismissive. It means understanding that your lived experiences, your perspective, your resilience, and even the obstacles you have overcome hold value.
The things that once made you feel “different” are often the very things that make you impactful.
As a woman working in financial empowerment and community advocacy, I have sat in rooms where I questioned whether my voice carried enough weight. I have experienced moments when imposter syndrome tried to convince me that I needed another credential, another accomplishment, or another level of perfection before I deserved to speak confidently.
Meanwhile, less-qualified people were speaking with the confidence of someone explaining grilling techniques after burning hot dogs once.
That realization shifted something in me.
I began to understand that confidence is not about knowing everything. It is about trusting that your experiences have taught you something valuable.
The work you have done matters.
The challenges you have survived matter.
The perspective you bring matters.
Women often underestimate how much space they are allowed to take up professionally. We over-edit ourselves in meetings, second-guess emails for 45 minutes, and say things like, “I could be wrong, but…” before sharing perfectly valid ideas.
We convince ourselves that humility requires silence.
It does not.
You can be collaborative and still be confident.
You can lead with empathy and still be assertive.
You can be kind without minimizing yourself.
One of the biggest shifts in my personal and professional growth came when I stopped trying to fit neatly into every room and started focusing on what I could contribute instead.
Not every space will immediately recognize your value. Some environments are uncomfortable with women who are vocal, ambitious, and self-assured.
That is not a sign to become smaller.
It is often a sign that the space itself needs to evolve.
The truth is that many of us carry wisdom earned through real life—through setbacks, caregiving, leadership, financial hardship, advocacy, burnout, rebuilding, and persistence.
That kind of experience cannot always be taught in a classroom, but it creates depth, emotional intelligence, and resilience that organizations desperately need.
Your story is not something to hide.
It is evidence of your capability.
So speak up in the meeting.
Apply for the position.
Share your ideas.
Take the leadership role.
Stop watering yourself down to fit inside containers that were too small for you in the first place.
You do not have to become less of yourself to succeed.
In fact, the moment you stop shrinking may be the moment you finally start growing.
