The Bowl of Chocolate
Ways to encourage people to talk to you when you're new.
It All Starts with a Bowl of Chocolate
One would think that getting to know people, building relationships, and always knowing what to say would be easy for anyone who works in communications. But just because you work in communications doesn’t mean you’re automatically extroverted, crave conversation, or are always ready with a conversation starter.
Sometimes, you’re the new person on the job, trying to find your place. You may be a one-person shop among larger groups of professionals. It can be lonely being in public relations. This is how I came to use a tactic I learned by observing personal interactions, starting in childhood.
I came from an extremely large family in a rural area. I grew up on a farm next door to my paternal grandparents and was surrounded by other farms owned by family members. We grew our own food, cooked, and fed many people year-round. From a very early age, I learned that sharing a meal often encouraged conversation—even among those who weren’t ordinarily chatty. There was something magical about breaking bread together that helped us break the ice and get to know one another better. This became the foundation of relationship-building. Since then, I have used this approach to engage with people, which has led my children to refer to food as my “love language.”
It’s difficult to invite everyone you work with over for dinner. However, having a potluck at the office, a team picnic, or a barbecue is a great opportunity for relationship-building. What can a communications director do to encourage conversation and build trust and strong connections? It starts with something as simple as a bowl of chocolate.
The bowl of chocolate represents welcome. It always sits on a table within view of those passing by my office. As people walk by, they pause and notice the candy beckoning them. After all, who can resist the temptation of a sweet treat during a busy workday?
When I notice someone pausing, I call out and invite them to come in and help themselves. People are sometimes reluctant, shy, or embarrassed to be caught eyeing the candy. But after a few minutes, we’ve exchanged names, I’ve learned what they do, and I’ve gained my first personal insight into this new colleague—their favorite chocolate from the dish.
People make repeat visits as the days pass, and I begin to notice certain habits and tendencies. Some use the chocolate as an excuse to come and chat. They may not feel comfortable stopping by solely to visit, but the chocolate gives them a purpose.
I also find that some people only come in for chocolate when they’re stressed or upset. This allows me to learn more about what may be happening in the office. Sometimes it’s simply interpersonal disagreements between team members, but occasionally I gain insight into something more significant. In those moments, the information can help me use communication strategies to quietly resolve an issue or identify a larger concern that may require leadership involvement. These are opportunities to help through communication skills and influence.
Eventually, people transition from using chocolate as an excuse for a quick visit to using it as a gateway to deeper conversations or communication counsel. They come into the office, select a piece of chocolate, unwrap it, and sit in the chair across from my desk.
This is when one of the most important superpowers of a communicator—the power of listening—comes into play.
The conversations that happen simply because you offer something small and seemingly insignificant, like a piece of chocolate, can be invaluable. As a communications professional, trust is critical. People must trust you before they will share information, accept your counsel, and allow you to tell their stories.
It’s also a meaningful way to create a comfortable environment where employees feel at ease engaging with you and speaking openly with their team leader. Building the trust that encourages staff to be honest about problems, share concerns, and both give and receive constructive feedback is essential for the success of any team.
As a communications director, I find that many of the most frequent visitors to the candy dish are those in leadership roles. The process is the same. Sometimes they want to chat for a few minutes and get another perspective on something that’s on their mind. Other times, they simply need a brief respite from the burdens of leadership.
A piece of chocolate, a quiet place, and an empathetic ear may be all that’s required to help someone through a challenging day.
Using chocolate to open communication is only one method. There are many other ways to start conversations and get to know your coworkers. Another is to go “walkabout.”
When I am in a new environment, whether at a new job or attending a conference, one of the first things I do is grab a cup of tea or coffee and go walkabout.
One way to kick-start relationships is to quickly learn people’s names, what they do, and something unique about them. In fact, I have been known to assign walkabout tasks to my staff to help them become familiar with the people they will be working with or writing about.
Knowing someone’s name causes them to see you differently. It’s almost as though they feel compelled to remember yours in return.
I approach a random cubicle, cup in hand, introduce myself, and ask the person their name and what they do. Usually, they respond with their name and job title. My follow-up question is to ask them to explain their role and describe what they do each day.
It’s a great way to learn more about your new environment and the people who work there. It also lets people know you are genuinely interested in them and that you value their contributions to the workplace.
Going walkabout and learning more about your organization and colleagues is essential for establishing rapport early. When people see someone in a management or leadership role taking the time to connect regularly, it sends a strong message.
It says a great deal about you as a leader and demonstrates your desire to connect with the people who help your organization achieve its goals and serve its constituents.
Although you may think it’s just a ten-minute stroll around the office, some of the people you stop to visit will remember it as a rare moment when the boss cared enough to ask about their work. You may make dozens of these connections during your walkabouts, but some employees will remember that brief conversation for years and feel they received meaningful one-on-one time with a leader.
Another effective method is to have something interesting in your office that serves as a reliable conversation starter.
For many years, I worked at a public research university. During that time, I kept a charred brick on my desk. There was no indication of what it was or why it was there, and I never talked about it unless someone asked.
And, of course, they always did.
The conversations usually went something like this:
“I see you have a brick on your desk,” the visitor would say.
“Yes, I do,” I would reply.
That response almost always required the visitor to ask more questions and engage more fully in conversation.
“Why do you have a brick on your desk?” they would ask.
“Because that brick has an amazing story,” I would reply.
By this point, curiosity would get the better of them, and they would likely have taken a seat and become fully invested in the conversation.
They would ask, and then I would tell them the tale.
(Note: I seriously considered leaving this next part out to force readers to connect with me and ask about the brick. But, not being a cruel author, I decided to tell you the rest of the story.)
The university where I worked was established in 1839, and the original campus building was called Academic Hall. It burned down, leaving only the iconic columns as evidence of its existence. The building was replaced, and many of the burned bricks were buried near the columns during demolition.
Decades later, restoration work around the columns uncovered many of those charred bricks. The communications professional for the campus facilities department knew of my deep love of history—particularly university history—and brought me one as a memento.
That brick remained on my desk until the day I left the university.
When someone new visited my office, the brick helped break the ice (no pun intended) and provided an opportunity to share a unique piece of university history. The conversation became more memorable and often helped establish a solid working relationship built on communication and mutual respect.
Another conversation starter was a gift from one of my bosses, who became an important mentor.
It all started during a walk back from lunch one spring day.
As we passed a florist shop decorated for Easter, several ceramic chicks of varying sizes were displayed in the window.
I pointed to one and said, “Isn’t that the cutest little fat chick you’ve ever seen?”
A few days later, that little fat chick appeared on my desk as an Easter gift.
As time passed, people began asking about the chicken on my desk. Easter had come and gone, yet the chick remained.
I decided I needed a better story than, “My boss gave it to me for Easter.”
So I named her Fat Chick and declared her my alter ego.
She became the sometimes snarky, pun-loving, irreverent, and always witty side of me. She often “stole” my laptop without permission and told outrageous tales.
Fat Chick inspired many humorous stories, and eventually others gifted me additional ceramic chickens to expand the narrative. Before long, I had an entire flock living on a shelf in my office.
They became another way to start conversations and put people at ease.
I often encourage people to discover their own communication superpowers to help them build relationships. While food may be my love language, humor is my communication superpower.
It is important to explore your personal strengths and identify the qualities you can leverage to build strong relationships. Whether it’s humor, empathy, strategy, or another attribute, your unique skill set can help you start conversations, establish strong foundations, and maintain open communication.
Join me as we explore the many ways we can master the art of communication and people management.
After all, it all starts with a bowl of chocolate.
