What is professional behavior in a toxic environment
From Toxic Workplace to Empathetic Leader: A Decade of Healing and Growth
Ten years later, while decluttering old papers, I came across performance reviews, documentation of the toxicity I experienced in the workplace, and written warnings from a former employer. Reading them brought back a flood of emotions and reminded me why that workplace remains one of the most difficult experiences of my career.
I moved from New York to Connecticut to join a company that presented itself as professional throughout the interview process. From my first day, I realized I had made a mistake, but I was going to work through it until I was able to move on. This division of the company was full of amateurs, and the leaders were dysfunctional.
As I reflect on the journey, there were so many biases—sex, age, race, and even regional background. The diversity of the division was only 2% non-white. The level of favoritism, immaturity, and discrimination was blatant.
My New York work ethic and attitude were not accepted. My fashion was "too much." My confidence, knowledge, and personality were beneficial with clients but not appreciated interoffice. My gender, race, and ethnicity, I would say, also played a significant role in promotions, bonuses, and the respect I received.
I was expected to report to the office during snowstorms, even when the company and state offices were closed. I became the subject matter expert for a complex function and documented procedures because few others understood the process. Yet, despite the complexity and pressure of the work, there was a zero-tolerance approach to errors, even when correcting those errors often depended on my expertise.
My bathroom breaks were monitored and timed. Who I conversed with, both internally and externally, was monitored. My habit of doodling during meetings was labeled distracting and rude. I escalated my concerns to Human Resources, and I became the troublemaker.
One incident stands out above all others. I was told I was "unprofessional" for making a facial expression in response to a comment about a manager whom I considered a bully and a sexist. The criticism came after a meeting because there was an intern present.
Later, when I raised my feelings of disrespect with my manager regarding his remark and his definition of me as "unprofessional"—to the point that he mentioned it in my review—he said he did not mean it that way.
I endured the toxicity for so long that it was becoming a health concern. On a return trip from the Caribbean, with a long connection in Puerto Rico, I had a rude awakening and a conversation with myself.
I concluded that work was like having an abusive partner, and I needed to rid myself of it, regardless of whether I had another job waiting for me. I needed to reset. I needed myself back. I needed to level up.
That's when I said, "I'm out professionally."
This type of work experience can poison an individual mentally, physically, and spiritually. Even after a decade, those documents have stirred so many unpleasant feelings, such as anger, frustration, and disappointment. They are a reminder that the damage caused by poor leadership and workplace bullying can linger long after an employee leaves.
Today, in my role in Human Resources, those experiences shape how I lead and serve others. I work hard to ensure I never become the kind of manager I once reported to. I am mindful of my words, committed to active listening, and intentional about leading with empathy, fairness, and respect. Every employee deserves dignity, and every workplace interaction matters. The lessons I learned from poor leadership have made me a stronger advocate for the people I am entrusted to support.
