WHAT IS REQUIRED FOR A WOMAN TO BE HEARD? By Amy Jean Nickoloff, Mother, Author, CEO, and Real Estate Agent

Personally, I would like to come across as dignified, thoughtful, composed, and intelligent when I share my experiences and ideas. And at times, funny and endearing.

A few recent experiences got me thinking about why some people are listened to and revered so intently, while others can’t get anyone’s attention. My life experiences led me to write and self-publish several volumes of memoir and several books of poetry. Granted, they were simple, combining poetry and prose, art and illustrations, and a few jokes to lighten heavy situations. After publishing the first few volumes of memoir and poetry, I started getting emails from various organizations that wanted to review and promote my books, but I had to buy a “package.” More recently, an organization reached out, saying they wanted to feature me as an “Influential Woman” and requested a phone interview. I was excited that someone possibly wanted to hear what I had to say because I run my own business, I have self-published several books, and I've done mission work in Gulumpe, Ghana. “Yay, someone wants to hear my voice!”

After signing up for the phone interview, I started to wonder why being heard is so often tied to money. And is being an influential woman harder than being an influential man? Is there even a group called “influential men” that's recognized, or is that just a given?

Not surprisingly, according to AI:

MEN:

Based on the available men’s group directories and listings, there is no widely recognized or verified organization by the exact name “Influential Men” in major men’s group databases such as Men’s Group, HumanMen, trueMASCULINITY, or other curated directories.

WOMEN:

Yes — there are two main organizations that match that name, and they are different in focus and purpose.

1. The Influential Woman (TIW) imagewww.theinfluentialwoman.org+1

• Type: Women’s leadership and empowerment community.
• Founder: Rodna Ntabeni.
• Mission: To create intentional spaces where women grow in confidence, leadership, and influence through events, mentorship, and structured development.
• Activities: Leadership academies, curated events, mentorship cohorts, reflective workshops, and global networking.
• Scope: Global, with both online and in-person gatherings.
• Website: theinfluentialwoman.org

2. Influential Women influentialwomen.cominfluentialwomen.com+1

• Type: Professional media and editorial platform.
• Focus: Highlighting women’s leadership through articles, interviews, a podcast, and other content.
• Activities: Publishing “Stories How She Did It,” hosting masterclasses, offering career advice, and providing a platform for women to share their voices and connect.
• Scope: Global, with a strong online presence and community engagement.
• Website: influentialwomen.com

Based on this, it seems women are working toward being influential, and men simply are. No, that’s a crap theory. How about women are influential, and men simply hold them down because they are stronger—the caveman theory. I suppose that could be true in some instances, but it's 2026, and laws attempt to prevent men from using their physical advantage to be more influential than women. What if men use WOMEN’s ideas to exert influence and gain position, money, or both? Depending on one’s perspective, this theory is a viable possibility. I don’t want to go down a rabbit hole regarding this theory or any others because it could take me off track. The goal is equality and valuing intelligent thought, contemplation, and ideas that help our species evolve in a loving, peaceful manner. So, let’s move on to the interview.

I dialed into the call for my influential woman interview, listened to a previous interview for a few minutes, and then was put on hold. I considered hanging up because it was past the scheduled time, and I am big on not wasting other people’s time and expect to be treated the same in return. Just as I was ready to hang up, the interviewer popped on the line. She introduced herself, and I quickly asked her why I was picked for the interview. She said they reviewed my LinkedIn profile and that it was about my real estate LLC. I quickly retorted that I haven't had much success in real estate and have had only 3 or 4 closings a year for the last three years. I started to wonder if this was a way to get money from me because she didn’t seem to know too much about me or my history, but I wanted to see where the interview would go, so I told her that I self-published 9 books, but that didn’t pay my bills, and now I spend most of my time on my cleaning business that services new home builders.

She quickly pivoted and started asking me questions about my books and my success with the cleaning business: “What inspired you to write your books?” “Who influenced your career?” “What advice would you give other women?” Etc. Then she asked if I had any charity work I wanted to share, so I told her about my mission work in Gulumpe, Ghana, at the Amazing Grace school, where I sent money to have desks and chairs built for the children and to put a roof on the school. I briefly talked about the nonprofit I started, hoping to bring clean water to the school and the people of Gulumpe.

The interviewer seemed genuinely interested and indicated that my story would be perfect for a featured influential woman. At that point, I stopped her and told her I wasn't going to buy any features or pay anything. She quickly ended the call and hung up.

If I must pay money to be featured as influential, am I influential, or is the almighty ink-printed paper the influence? I learned my lesson with my books, having spent money with various organizations to get reviews and gold seals, none of which resulted in book sales. At an entrepreneur’s meeting a few years ago on how to promote your business or product, a young man in his early twenties told me everybody would read my books when I was dead. And that may be the case, but I refuse to pay money to be heard, influential, or valued because then it is not authentic; it’s purchased. On a positive note, this organization sent me a follow-up email saying that even though it wasn't my time, I would be included on their website with a basic membership. So, kudos to Influential Women for allowing me to still participate.

In the third volume of my memoir, The Kingdom Has Arrived, Volume 3: Reclaimed. Snippets from a Wild Ride – A Thought, A Theory, A Temptation, A Truth, I state at the opening of the book that my purpose in writing it is to unapologetically rant and break every rule I can (in relation to proper writing and publishing) in the process. I state that since I am reclaiming my life (you will have to read my books to understand), I intend to make my own damn rules. And one of those rules:

I WILL NOT PAY MONEY TO BE HEARD, INFLUENTIAL, OR UNDERSTOOD.

I figure if anyone is interested in my story, thoughts, opinions, and knowledge, they will find me.