When To Give Up

Life brings lots of moments that define who we are. So, when do these moments make you "want to give up"?

At thirty-eight, I wrote my first book and had it published, Sins of the Midnight Sons, based on the two years I lived on the North Slope of Alaska, in a remote Inupiat village of three hundred people.

Way-below-zero temperatures, days with insurmountable amounts of snow, and six months of darkness—yes, I wanted to give up and go back home to Mississippi. But the love I had for my husband, my biggest fan, kept me there. We lived in Alaska for seven years.

I didn't give up; I kept writing. My next book, The Widow's Wishes, came after I lost my husband. This was when I wanted to give up on everything. Looking back, I guess I did give up for close to five years.

I lost weight, dropping to almost one hundred pounds, and couldn't sleep unless I was medicated. Steve had heart issues; he died during heart surgery. He commented once, "I know you're going to lay down on life when I'm gone, but you can't stay there."

He was right, but the days were lonely, and the pain was more intense at night. Looking back, I had given up on everything, including happiness.

But my business partner in LA pretty much forced me back into work and society. That's when I wrote two of The Capo's Prayer books in nine months.

Whether it's our parents who pass away, a spouse, or even a child, grief makes us all want to give up for a period of time. And, people, grief is one of the most painful, personal experiences you will ever feel. There's no deadline, no clock or calendar that tells you, "Enough is enough." Healing hurts. So, never feel guilty for grieving for however long you feel you need to. You will be okay. I promise.

So, when should you give up? I have days, sometimes a week or more, when I feel like giving up. But deep in my heart, I now know that giving up is just a temporary thought or feeling.

Loss through death, divorce, literary agents saying "no" to your work, or not getting your dream job—it's okay. It's wonderful when we have someone in our corner, cheering us on. I gave up when I lost my best friend, my husband, my cheerleader, my biggest fan. That leaves a huge space in your heart. It's painful.

Giving up was the last thing he wanted me to do. I have days when I remind myself to keep living, writing, and enjoying this second chance at life I've been given. Easy? No, but every day is no longer filled with tears and sadness. I'm at peace; I'm happy.

It's okay to give up for an hour, a day, or until your heart feels happiness again. Rain doesn't last forever, even if you feel you're going to drown in the moment. Yes, life is a journey of pain, adventure, and death, but most of all…love. Love is what keeps us all afloat when we want to give up on life decisions and choices we didn't make or want.

From someone who's ridden the roller coaster of life's emotions, here's a cliché: time is a healer, but honestly, it is. We all just have a different life clock.