When You Choose Yourself, You Find Your Light Again
Discover why prioritizing yourself isn't selfish—it's the foundation for a fuller, happier life.
Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First: Why Self-Esteem Truly Matters
I know it may sound cheesy, but self-esteem truly matters.
Have you ever heard a flight attendant say, “Put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others”?
There is a reason they say it.
Because you cannot help others if you are not well yourself. You cannot give away what you don't have.
How can you truly love others if you don't love yourself? How can you truly respect others if you don't respect yourself?
For years, I heard the advice: You need to love yourself.
I understood the words.
But eventually, I realized I hadn't fully embraced their meaning.
For a period of my life, I was the person taking care of everyone else—even when I wasn't prepared, wasn't old enough, or didn't even know what I was supposed to do.
Somehow, I learned to take responsibility for things, situations, and behaviors that were never really mine to carry.
And that pattern followed me into my relationships.
Looking back, many of my long-term relationships had something in common: someone who needed me.
I was the one making the decisions, giving the love, carrying the emotional weight, and, at times, taking full financial responsibility while also managing the household and everything else that needed to be done.
I didn't realize it at the time, but somewhere along the way, I stopped taking care of myself.
And there was a price to pay.
Slowly, I became less happy. My energy disappeared. I gained weight. I worked late because I didn't want to go home. I was constantly angry, tired, frustrated, and fighting.
My family and close friends started calling me “amargada.”
And honestly, it hurt.
But looking back, I think those words were also a wake-up call.
I wasn't feeling like myself anymore.
The truth was, I didn't even know how I had gotten there.
I wanted to be happy.
But I wasn't.
It felt like my light was slowly turning off while life continued happening around me. I felt disconnected from myself and from the joy I once had.
And life will always have difficult moments.
I've experienced many of them over the years—the loss of people I love, struggles, disappointments, difficult decisions, missed opportunities, and moments when life simply didn't go according to plan.
But I have learned that difficult moments feel very different when you accept yourself, reconnect with yourself, and take care of yourself than when you don't.
After what I would describe as one of the toughest experiences of my personal life, something finally became clear:
I needed to love ME first—and love me more.
I needed to take care of my physical health, my mental and emotional well-being, and, most importantly, my relationship with myself.
Self-esteem isn't about thinking you are better than anyone else.
It's about knowing that you are worthy of care, respect, kindness, and love—including your own.
When you make peace with yourself, forgive yourself for your mistakes, and believe you deserve the good things that come your way, you can begin again.
Not because life suddenly becomes perfect.
It doesn't.
But because you have more energy to face the hard days. You begin creating space for the things that make you happy. You become more grateful for who you are and for what you have.
You start discovering little moments that make you fall in love with your life again.
And slowly, your light starts coming back.
I honestly don't have enough words to describe how much my life changed when I became more intentional about taking care of myself.
- I have more energy.
- I overcome challenges faster.
- I notice more blessings than problems.
- I appreciate the little things more.
And I believe this change has been good not only for me but also for the people around me.
Because when I take better care of myself, I have more of myself to give.
And that, to me, is the real meaning of loving yourself.
It is not selfishness.
It is having the capacity to show up for yourself—and, from a healthier place, for the people you love.
We Forget That We Deserve Care Too
Over the years, I have met many women—and men—who, like me, have spent so much time taking care of everyone else that they slowly forgot to take care of themselves.
Sometimes, hearing their stories is heartbreaking.
We can become so focused on being there for everyone else that we forget that we deserve to be there for ourselves too.
Sometimes, the first step toward changing your future is simply making a decision:
I want to feel better.
I want to take care of myself.
I want to find myself again.
And asking for help can be part of that decision.
A Few Things That Have Helped Me Along My Journey
1. Put your oxygen mask on first.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. You cannot take care of others if you are running on empty.
2. Let go of what you cannot control.
Sometimes that means circumstances, decisions, or even people you love.
You can be there for someone. You can support them. You can influence them.
But you cannot force someone to do what you believe is best for them.
And sometimes, even when we act out of love, we may be wrong.
3. Make time for the things that make you happy.
They don't have to be expensive or complicated—but be intentional.
Take a walk.
Listen to music.
Read a good book.
Have a coffee alone.
Dance in your kitchen.
Call a friend.
Watch the sunset.
The little things count.
Give yourself permission to enjoy them.
4. Train your brain to look for the good.
Our thoughts matter, so be mindful of the way you speak to yourself.
If you wouldn't say it to someone you love, why say it to yourself?
Talk to yourself with kindness.
And intentionally notice two or three positive things that happen to you every day.
They don't have to be big.
It could be getting out of bed, having something good to eat, feeling the sun on your face, laughing with someone you love, or simply having a moment of peace.
When you train yourself to notice the good, you begin to see that there is more of it than you thought.
5. Ask for help.
You don't have to figure everything out alone.
Sometimes you need a friend.
Sometimes you need a professional.
Sometimes you simply need someone outside your situation to listen and offer a different perspective.
There is no shame in that.
You Are Worthy of Choosing Yourself
Your journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's.
And starting over doesn't mean you failed.
Sometimes, starting over is the bravest way of choosing yourself.
So, if you need a reminder today, let this be it:
You matter.
Your health matters.
Your happiness matters.
Your dreams matter.
You are worthy of the same love, patience, and compassion that you so freely give to everyone else.
You don't have to wait until you're exhausted to start taking care of yourself.
You don't have to earn the right to rest, enjoy life, or put yourself first sometimes.
Start small.
Be kinder to yourself.
Celebrate who you are.
Make space for what brings you joy.
Because loving yourself isn't selfish.
It is the foundation from which you can love, lead, give, and live more fully.
Life is beautiful.
Give yourself permission to enjoy the beautiful life that is yours. ❤️
