How She Learned to Listen Without Fixing

When someone I cared about was struggling, the instinct to fix the problem was very strong. I realized finding a solution was far more harmful to her than simply being present and listening. Sometimes we enable our loved ones when we fix a problem. They need the opportunity to grow and develop. I asked questions for her to answer which helped her see that sometimes failures are needed to mature and become more reliable, dependable, and stronger as a person. It teaches that when we fail, we get back up and keep striving for the goal that has been set.

One experience that profoundly shaped me was supporting someone I cared about through a difficult season when my instinct was to immediately offer advice and help them find a solution. I realized that sometimes people don't need us to fix what they're going through, they need us to sit beside them in it, listen without judgment, and remind them of their own strength. That experience taught me that true leadership and compassion aren't always about having the right answer, but about knowing when your presence can be more powerful than your solution.

When my youngest son called me overwhelmed and in tears about feeling behind in life, my instinct was to step in and solve the problem. Instead, I chose to listen without judgment, and that moment reminded me that true support is not always about having the answer; it is sometimes just presence and creating a safe space where someone feels heard, understood, and free to be vulnerable.

Adversity is the mountain of change, that builds capacity in business, and that capacity creates warriors.

In conversations with a friend, who mentioned her son who lived nearby did not share many meals with her, I was tempted to suggest she create a once a week dinner routine, but thought better of it and just let her talk about the things they did share.

When my daughter was younger, I wanted to jump in and fix everything for her, but she didn't always want my solutions. Over time, I learned to ask if she was looking for a listener or a fixer, and that helped her to feel more seen in the moments she needed it.

I've always been someone who sees a problem and starts thinking about how to solve it. What changed was learning that support doesn't always require an answer. Sometimes people need another question, space to find their own answer, or simply to know they were heard. I still offer solutions when they're useful; I just don't assume fixing something is always the most helpful thing I can do.

I learned this during my twin brother's experience with cancer. When someone you love is facing something so serious, your first instinct is to search for answers, offer advice, or find a way to make the situation better. I wanted to help, but I eventually understood that I could not fix what he was going through and constantly trying to find the right solution was not always what he needed from me. Sometimes the most meaningful support was simply sitting beside him, listening without interrupting, and talking to him the same way I always had. He did not need every conversation to be about cancer. He needed to feel that he was still himself not only a patient or a diagnosis. That experience changed how I support people and later inspired me to create "See Me, Not My Cancer" for Cancer Support Community Los Angeles. The campaign was built around the same lesson: people living with cancer do not always need advice, pity, or someone trying to fix the situation. Sometimes they simply need to be heard, included, and treated like the whole person they have always been. I learned that presence is not passive. Listening without trying to fix everything can be one of the deepest ways of saying, "I see you, I respect what you are feeling, and you do not have to face this moment alone."