Daddy's Little Girl
The story of my immigrant father and his impact on me and others
When he first came to America, he was laid off every six months. His professional engineering degree from India held no value in this new country. He worked various labor jobs to make ends meet while studying for a degree he already had. He was desperately seeking a job; his wife was about to give birth to their second child.
He was the first one on both sides of the family to move to America. He housed his brother, his sister-in-law, and his younger sister in a small apartment in Chicago. He and his wife later moved to Des Plaines, Illinois. At that time, he took in his brother-in-law and three sisters-in-law to live with them. He told everyone he housed, in Gujarati, "Don't worry, whatever we eat, we will feed you." He would give money that was supposed to be for groceries to any friend who asked for it. "He needed it more than me," He would say by way of explanation. They all lived together happily until each person built a foundation for their own life, got married, and settled on their own.
Shortly after his daughter was born, he secured a job that utilized his degree, becoming the new highway planner for the Cook County Highway Department. He felt his daughter brought him good luck; things were slowly improving. Although the job did not pay well, he made sure he set aside money for his family's future.
These were his thoughts as he gazed into his daughter's eyes, and she looked back lovingly. When she was younger, he would come into her room on weekends to lie in bed and snuggle with her. He would notice that she is awake and would ask, "Do you know how much I love you?" The child, with her eyes still closed, would smile and nod, snuggling more in his embrace.
He started to see himself in her as she grew. Her sense of humor, love for history and the social sciences, and a passion for traveling were their shared interests. They traveled the world together; he shared with her all the historical places he had visited.
As she got older, she remembered how he used to cuddle with her. So on weekends, she would wake up early to go into his room and lie next to him. She would say, "When is my dad going to wake up? I think he is still sleeping!" He would wake, smiling, and hug her. "You're up early," he'd say. "You're up late!" She'd say in return.
As time passed, his grown children became successful, educated adults. He settled in his retirement with his wife: "I am on permanent vacation!" He would say, "NOT RETIRED!". They would wait for their daughter to be on vacation from work so they could travel together and enjoy the world. Sharing this with her brought him great joy as he engaged her in historical conversations.
He acted like a big baby with minor aches and pains, but when it got serious, he downplayed it. He was suddenly diagnosed with cancer on his spine, multiple myeloma. When he went in for radiation, he would joke with the nurses and staff. He would say, "There's nothing wrong with me, I'm testing the doctors." Then, when he got home, he would ask his wife to put ointment on the radiation burns, quietly wincing as she gently applied it to his back.
Somehow, he knew his time was coming. While he was visiting a friend, he turned and said, "Do not know how much time left." When his friend asked what he meant, he dismissed it and said he didn't remember. A few days later, he said he had pain in his neck and back and stated that it went away, and not to worry. He suffered in this way for almost three months, going to the ER several times with no clear explanation or resolution.
The day he left, he made sure he silently said goodbye to his closest friends. He waited for his wife and daughter to be with him before he took his next step, closer to leaving this world. He waited for his son and daughter-in-law to enter the hospital building before he left to be their guardian angel. He did not want them to be so far and without love and support from others. He wanted his family to be together in the same building. His heart, so full of love, failed him early that morning.
As each year passes, he is by their side, helping, sending love, and feeling pride as they manage the hard tasks of life without his presence. He sends little hints to remind everyone that he is looking out for them, every step of the way.
Until we meet again…..
In loving memory:
Bipin Lalbhai Tajpuria
2/4/1944 to 8/19/2018
His service was beyond capacity. The parking lot was full of double-parked cars. There was no room to sit, and the line was out the door and down the street. The hundreds of lives he touched were demonstrated clearly.
He was a fun-loving jokester. Even when his family prepared to leave to spread his ashes, the garage door stopped before it was fully open, forcing them to call his sister in law's family to help manually open the garage And that June, his wife, son, and daughter went to Rockford, Illinois with his wife's sister and son to spread his ashes and his brother in law's ashes. His brother-in-law had passed a few months before, and his sister in law was not able to perform the rites. They went together, and as his son and daughter spread his ashes, the priest chanted mantras. His younger brother asked for a portion to take to India, his homeland and the place of his love. His final resting place is in America and India.
Whenever he misplaced something his response would be
ઠેકાણે છે, ક્યાં છે એ ખબર નથી
It is in its proper place, where that is I do not know.
I used to tease him and say:
બીપીન દાસ તારો ત્રાસ છે
Respected Bipin, you are a pain!
Special thanks to my friend, colleague, my editor, my publisher, curator of resources, curator of knowledge, and general awesomeness, Kathleen Basoco
I am the Curator. That's such a better name than Librarian. But, no one would be able to spell that either! LOL!
