Finding Your Way to Your True Path Through Grief, Health Issues and Life Lessons
From grief to purpose: A journey of resilience, rediscovery, and following your heart despite life's greatest challenges.
When I was a very young child, I knew I wanted to act or do music. I was always setting up chairs and performing whenever company came to our house for dinner. Later, I briefly played piano, violin, flute, and clarinet. As I got older and started working, those dreams were pushed aside as life became busy and I had children. I loved being a mom, and during that time I did all my singing and “performing” while cleaning and spending time with my family. My oldest daughter often sang with me and encouraged me to audition somewhere, but I would always say, “No, I don’t have enough time now with work.”
In 2011, my oldest daughter passed away shortly after auditioning for American Idol. Her passing left me devastated, wondering how I would ever recover or go on with life. Years later, in 2016, after countless tears and deep reflection, I asked myself, Is this how she would want me to live? The answer was a definite no. She would have said, “Follow your dream.”
Shortly after, I enrolled in a Media Institute to study my true love—Music Recording and Sound Engineering. I felt like I had finally found my purpose. Unfortunately, that season was short-lived when I became ill and was diagnosed with Lupus, which attacked my lungs and caused restrictive lung disease along with other medical complications. At one point, I even lost my ability to speak for about a month. Everything happened so fast. I was hospitalized for 15 days and sent home on oxygen with little to no support.
This health crisis also created financial hardship. Lying there on oxygen and multiple medications, I tried to figure out how to support myself. As soon as I was able, I started baking cookies and eventually sold them in a local store for a period of time. After a few years, as my health slowly improved, I began baking specialty cakes for birthdays, weddings, children’s parties, and other celebrations. Eventually, I was taken off oxygen and some of the medications. Wanting to continue moving forward, I decided to go back to school and took Business Management courses part time due to my health.
Around 2022, I began sharing my journey on social media—my life, my losses, and my battle with lupus. I then entered the Fab Over 40 modeling contest and placed in the Top Five, which I was incredibly proud of. I also started practicing singing to regain my voice, which had been damaged from illness. I began writing songs while working on my recovery and finally booked studio time, determined to professionally record my first song no matter what. I didn’t know if my voice would cooperate, but I was committed to trying.
Standing in that studio singing a song I wrote myself was a powerful and emotional moment. Even though my voice isn’t quite what it once was, I am grateful and proud of how my recording turned out—and I hope to continue pursuing music, because that is where my heart is happiest.
I share my story to say this: No matter how difficult life becomes, always believe in yourself and your ability to recover. Don’t ever think it’s over or that you have nothing left to offer—because we all have something valuable to contribute. Focus on what makes you feel good inside and don’t listen to negativity. No one knows us better than we know ourselves, and only we truly understand what we are capable of. If we commit to reaching our goals and our full potential, we can do it.
I have lost family to alcohol, overdose, murder, and rare health conditions. I’ve attended grief counseling and done everything I can to keep going. Now I practice mindfulness and meditation, walk daily, and try to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Life brings many trials, but if you follow your heart, believe in yourself, and trust your inner strength, you will find your way.
