High Performing or Over-Functioning? How to Tell the Difference
Redefining Success: Why High Performance Doesn't Require Over-Functioning
Here's a question I've been thinking about a lot lately: What if some of what we call high performance is actually over-functioning that gets rewarded really well?
Let me be clear about what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that being successful means you're over-functioning. I'm not saying you should work less, want less, or be less ambitious.
I spent more than 20 years in medical device sales. I love ambition. I love winning. I want women to be wildly successful, make a lot of money, and be incredible at what they do.
What I'm interested in is what's underneath all of it.
What's driving it?
Because high performance and over-functioning can look almost identical from the outside. And in industries like the one I came from, over-functioning gets rewarded all the time.
The woman everyone counts on
You know her.
Maybe you are her.
She sees the problem before it happens. She answers the text when she's technically off. She knows what's going on with every account. She over-prepares because she never wants to be caught without an answer.
If someone drops the ball, she picks it up. If a case starts going sideways, she's already figuring it out. If the team needs something, she's there.
She has a hard time delegating because, let's be honest, sometimes it really does feel easier to just do it herself. She knows the customer's mood, the manager's mood, and what her team needs. She's often carrying the emotional temperature of the room without even realizing she's doing it.
And people love her for it.
Customers trust her. Her manager trusts her. Her teammates depend on her. She's the person everyone wants in the room when things go sideways.
Here's what makes this complicated:
It works.
At least for a while.
You make the money. You win the awards. People tell you how amazing you are. You become the person everyone can count on-maybe even the person they can't imagine doing without.
And your brain gets a very clear message:
See? This is how we succeed.
So why would you stop?
Until being indispensable starts to cost you
Usually, you don't question it until it starts costing you something.
And eventually, it often does.
The thing that made you so valuable at work can slowly make you unavailable to your own life.
You can't completely turn off your phone because what if someone needs you? You can't fully take the vacation because nobody knows the account like you do. You can't stop thinking about work because some part of your brain is always scanning for what could go wrong next. You have a hard time letting someone else handle something because you're pretty sure they won't do it the way you would.
I know this one from the inside. I lived in the over-functioning world for a long time.
And that's the tricky part. From the outside, everything can still look fantastic.
Your numbers are great. Your customers love you. Your manager thinks you're killing it.
But on the inside, you're tired. Maybe resentful. Maybe starting to wonder why the career you worked so hard to build requires so much of you.
Same behavior. Different driver.
This is the distinction I keep coming back to.
High performance says: I'm taking ownership of what's mine, and I'm going to do it exceptionally well.
Over-functioning says: I'm taking ownership of everything because somewhere along the way, I've learned that being needed, useful, responsive, perfect, or indispensable says something about my value.
That's why this can be so hard to spot.
From the outside, the behavior can look exactly the same. Both women answer the call. Both solve problems. Both care deeply about the people they serve. Both might hit quota. Both might be top performers.
The difference isn't necessarily what they're doing. It's what's driving them.
High performance sounds like:
- I'm choosing to do this because it matters.
- This is mine to own.
- I want to excel.
- I'm proud of this work.
Over-functioning sounds more like:
- I have to do this.
- They need me.
- I can't disappoint them.
- Nobody else will do it as well.
- It's just easier if I handle it.
- What will they think if I don't respond?
Same action. Very different energy underneath it.
"If I can handle it, I should."
I think this is one of those invisible rules so many high-achieving women are walking around with without even realizing it:
If I can handle it, I should.
And that's the thing about invisible rules. We don't experience them as rules. We experience them as facts.
Of course I should handle it.
Of course I should help.
Of course I should respond.
Of course I should figure it out.
Underneath that can be an even deeper belief: My value comes from what I do for everyone else.
Think about how early some of us learned that. You got praised for being responsible. For getting good grades. For being helpful. For not causing problems. For being the one who could handle things.
Then you entered your career, and the praise kept coming.
The number. The award. The save. The customer who asks for you by name. The manager who says, "I don't know what we'd do without you."
That feels good. Of course it does.
And over time, your brain starts connecting the dots:
Being needed feels a whole lot like being valuable.
For some of us, being needed becomes more than a habit. It becomes a place where we feel safe.
Which is exactly why over-functioning doesn't necessarily feel like over-functioning.
It can feel like being really good at your job.
It also explains why advice like "just set a boundary" can sound so simple and feel so uncomfortable.
Because if being needed has gotten tangled up with your value, a boundary doesn't just feel like a boundary. It can feel like this: Be less dependable. Risk disappointing someone. Let someone else be the one they need.
No wonder it's uncomfortable.
I'm not asking you to do less
This is important.
I'm not interested in telling high-achieving women to simply do less. I don't think ambition is the problem.
I'm much more interested in a different question:
Why are you doing so much?
Maybe you're choosing it. It matters to you. It lines up with your goals. You're in a season where you want to go all in.
Great. Go.
Or maybe you're doing it because you don't know who you are if you're not the one everyone can count on.
That one is worth getting curious about.
Because ambition isn't the problem. Excellence isn't the problem. Wanting to win isn't the problem.
The question is what fuel you're using to get there.
I think of some of it as borrowed fuel: proving, approval, fear, comparison, being needed, and perfectionism.
Borrowed fuel can take you pretty far. It can power some incredible performance.
But it's expensive.
It requires you to keep proving. Keep producing. Keep being available. Keep showing everyone how valuable you are.
Because the minute you stop, your brain starts asking:
Am I still valuable?
I don't want women to lose their ambition.
I want us to change the fuel.
I want the woman who became wildly successful because she learned how to carry everything to discover that she doesn't have to carry everything to remain exceptional.
The rewrite
Take the invisible rule:
If I can handle it, I should.
And try this instead:
I can be exceptional without being responsible for everything.
That doesn't mean you stop caring. It doesn't mean you become unreliable. It doesn't mean you lower your standards or stop being the person people can count on.
It means you become more intentional about what you're carrying-and why.
Ask yourself:
- What's actually mine?
- What am I carrying because it matters, and what am I carrying because I don't trust anyone else to carry it?
- Where am I helping, and where am I rescuing?
- Where am I being excellent, and where am I proving?
- Where am I taking responsibility, and where am I taking responsibility for someone else's responsibility?
Those are not the same things.
Try this this week
Don't change anything yet.
Just notice.
Every time you catch yourself jumping in, fixing, responding, taking something over, saying yes, anticipating a problem, or carrying something that technically isn't yours, pause.
Get curious.
- Is this actually mine?
- Am I choosing this, or do I feel like I have to?
- What do I think would happen if I didn't?
- What would I make it mean about me if someone were disappointed?
And maybe the biggest one:
If I knew my value wasn't determined by how much I could carry, would I still choose to carry this?
That's where the work starts.
I don't want you to become less successful. I don't want you to become less ambitious. And I don't want you to become someone your customers can't count on.
I want you to know that you can be counted on without believing you have to do everything to prove your value.
There's a difference.
You don't have to become indispensable to become invaluable.
About the author
Michelle A. Bourque spent more than 20 years in medical device sales and leadership and is the Founder of Michelle Bourque Coaching. Today, she works with high-performing women-especially those in medical device sales-who want to keep their ambition and success without feeling like they have to prove their value through how much they do. She is also the host of the It's Your Time podcast.
