I Can’t Believe I Thought I Was Too Much
From Hidden Shame to Unapologetic Authenticity: How One Woman Learned to Stop Shrinking and Start Shining
The Discovery
“Wait… did that sound just come from me?”
Did I just roll my voice like someone grown?
My 7-year-old self stood there stunned.
“I can sing! I’m going to be a star!”
I was overwhelmed with excitement by this sudden realization.
No, seriously… I could really sing.
When did this happen?
How long had I been carrying this ability without even realizing it?
I remember feeling amazed by my own voice. It felt like discovering treasure hidden inside me.
But insecurity had other plans.
The Moment That Quietly Changed Everything
One day, while I was singing in another room, one of my brothers yelled:
“Mama! Daddy! Nikki in here singing like she a grown lady!”
I was shocked.
Not because I had broken something.
Not because I had done something wrong.
But because someone was “telling on me” for singing.
My parents didn’t scold me or punish me. They simply ignored the comment and moved on.
At the time, that silence said more than words ever could.
Now, this is not me criticizing my parents. They were loving parents doing the best they could. They simply were not equipped for a moment that didn’t require discipline—but did require instruction and affirmation.
Looking back, I realize that moment was an opportunity.
An opportunity to tell my brother:
“You should be excited that your sister discovered such a beautiful gift.”
An opportunity to tell me:
“Your voice is not something to hide.”
But that conversation never happened.
The Belief I Created
So my 7-year-old mind drew its own conclusion.
My voice wasn’t necessarily a problem…
It just wasn’t that important.
And somewhere deep inside myself, I adopted a dangerous belief:
People can only handle so much of me.
As I got older and classmates discovered I could sing, they would ask me to sing songs at school. And I would humbly oblige… but only a little.
Because I honestly believed that if people heard too much of me now, then one day when I became a professional singer, no one would want to buy my music. They would already be tired of me.
Imagine carrying that thought as a child.
I had unknowingly learned to ration myself.
To shrink myself.
To dim my own light before anyone else had the chance to.
The Fear of Success
Years later, around 15 or 16, I was invited to join a singing trio. I was excited about it too. But one day, I had a vision of the group walking onto a stage to present an award—and I noticed I wasn’t there.
Instead of questioning the vision, I interpreted it through the lens of my hidden belief:
“They’re going to make it… but not me.”
Even then, I had already accepted the idea that success belonged to other people more than it belonged to me.
It wasn’t until my late 30s, during a deep season of self-discovery, that I finally began understanding why I had moved through life the way I did.
I discovered something heartbreaking:
I was afraid of success.
Not because I didn’t want it.
But because success meant more visibility.
And more visibility meant more people.
And more people meant that eventually, people would grow tired of me.
All of that traced back to a little 7-year-old girl who misunderstood a moment and quietly decided she was “too much.”
Giving Myself Permission to Shine
But once I discovered the lie, I could no longer keep living under it.
So I sat down—in my heart and in my mind—and I had a conversation with that little dreamer.
I gave her what she needed all those years ago:
Affirmation.
Permission.
Release.
I told her:
Your gift was never too much.
Your voice was never too loud.
Your presence was never too overwhelming.
You were never meant to shrink so others could stay comfortable.
And now here I am at 47 years old.
Not hiding.
Not dimming.
Not apologizing for who I am.
Now my husband and I own a business dedicated to empowering individuals to take bold and courageous action in their lives.
And every time I encourage someone else to stop shrinking themselves, I know that somewhere inside me, that 7-year-old girl is finally singing freely again.
