Parenting with Purpose
Breaking the Cycle: How Purposeful Parenting Creates Stronger Family Bonds and Healthier Futures
Countless books, podcasts, articles, and experts offer advice on parenting practices. While these resources are helpful, we often parent based on our childhood experiences with our parents. When I work with parents and teach them effective parenting practices, I find that many families rely heavily on their childhood experiences. Many families are unaware of how their practices affect their children.
I often hear from families that, because of their experiences, they promised not to be like their parents. However, many fail to realize that, at some point, they end up parenting like their parents. I want to begin this article by discussing the different parenting styles. Psychologist Diana Baumrind identified four primary parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved. In this article, I am only going to focus on the first three parenting styles identified by Baumrind.
The first parenting style I will discuss is used in many cultures and among different ethnicities. Authoritarian parenting is often criticized; parents who use this style are rigid and not very nurturing. This parenting style relies on strict rules, high expectations, and obedience, with little room for discussion or flexibility. Despite the negative perception of authoritarian parenting, children raised this way have lots of structure.
The next parenting style I will discuss is permissive parenting. This parenting style is also criticized and is more common in today’s generation. Permissive parents are very nurturing, unlike authoritarian parents. Permissive parents seek their children's approval. They want to be friends rather than parents. In permissive parenting, the roles reverse. The parent becomes the child, and the child becomes the parent (Macfie et al., 2005). An example of permissive parenting is when children dictate their bedtimes and when they will attend school, demand what they want, and have those demands fulfilled. Permissive parents are fearful of losing the approval of their child. These parents go partying with their children, double-date, and even purchase alcoholic beverages so that their child has popularity within their friend groups (Sanvictores & Mendez, 2022). In my experience working with families, permissive parents often become authoritarian when behavior escalates. However, this response is frequently short-lived, and they eventually return to their previous parenting style.
The third and last parenting style is authoritative. This parenting style offers structure and nurture. It balances structure and warmth in the parent-child relationship. Children thrive in both a structured and nurturing environment. What are the risks when children lack structure? Some risks include behavioral problems such as defiance, impulsiveness, or disruptive behavior; poor self-discipline; difficulty with time management and responsibility; poor emotional security, which increases anxiety and stress; academic challenges, including not keeping up with assignments, failing grades, and poor habits that interfere with school performance; and difficulty respecting boundaries, such as authority, and maintaining healthy relationships (Sanvictores & Mendez, 2022). When children thrive in a structured and nurturing environment, they are more likely to develop self-discipline, perform better academically, respect authority, build healthier relationships, and feel more emotionally secure and supported (Baumrind, 1991; Lamborn et al., 1991; Steinberg et al., 1992).
This brings me to purposeful parenting. When we parent with purpose, we are intentional in our responses. I like to correlate this with something that I teach my families: “Stop, think, then respond.” This helps us parent more effectively rather than reacting based on emotion. When we parent emotionally, we make poor decisions about how to respond to our children’s behavior. As parents, we must model the desired behavior that we want from our children. This brings me to effective communication and active listening. Parenting with purpose should not be about controlling your child's life; instead, it should support positive relationships. Effective communication strengthens the parent-child relationship by building trust and openness. When children are heard and not judged or criticized, they communicate their needs more effectively. This is why active listening is so important for parents. Active listening involves giving children your full attention and validating their feelings. When we validate their feelings, we are not telling children how to feel. When children feel heard, they are more likely to communicate openly, cooperate with expectations, and develop healthy emotional regulation skills (Jeon & Park, 2024).
Parenting with purpose is more than setting rules; it also means building relationships. It means having daily interactions, meaningful conversations, and intentional moments that communicate love, respect, and guidance. When combining structure, nurturing support, effective communication, and active listening, parents create an environment where children can thrive today and carry those lessons into adulthood.
Parenting can be rewarding but challenging at times. While there is no perfect parenting formula, proven strategies have been shown to help strengthen the parent-child relationship, improve communication, establish healthy boundaries, and support children's emotional well-being (England-Mason et al., 2023). Every family faces different challenges, and sometimes having guidance, support, and tools can make a difference in how we engage with our children.
At Family Unity, we aim to empower parents and caregivers through parenting education, coaching, and family-centered support programs. For parents seeking to strengthen their parenting skills, manage behavioral challenges, improve family communication, or better understand a child's developmental needs, our programs provide practical guidance and encouragement every step of the way.
Remember, parenting with purpose begins with a willingness to learn, grow, and connect. By investing in your parenting journey today, you are investing in your child's future.
To learn more about parenting classes, individualized coaching, and family support services, contact Family Unity at www.familyunity-bringingfamiliestogether.com. Together, we can build stronger families, healthier relationships, and brighter futures for children.
References
Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56–95. https://doi.org/10.1177/0272431691111004
England-Mason, G., Andrews, K., Atkinson, L., Gonzalez, A. (2023). Emotion socialization parenting interventions targeting emotional competence in young children: A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Clinical Psychology Review, 100, 102252. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2023.102252
Jeon, J., & Park, D. (2024). Your feelings are reasonable: Emotional validation promotes persistence among preschoolers. Developmental Science, 27(5), e13523. https://doi.org/10.1111/desc.13523
Lamborn, S. D., Mounts, N. S., Steinberg, L., & Dornbusch, S. M. (1991). Patterns of competence and adjustment among adolescents from authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and neglectful families. Child Development, 62(5), 1049–1065. https://doi.org/10.2307/1131151
Macfie, J., McElwain, N., Houts, R., & Cox, M. (2005). Intergenerational transmission of role reversal between parent and child: Dyadic and family systems internal working models. Attachment & Human Development, 7(1), 51–65.
Sanvictores, T., & Mendez, M. D. (2022). Types of parenting styles and effects on children. In StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/
Steinberg, L., Lamborn, S. D., Dornbusch, S. M., & Darling, N. (1992). Impact of parenting practices on adolescent achievement: Authoritative parenting, school involvement, and encouragement to succeed. Child Development, 63(5), 1266–1281. https://doi.org/10.2307/1131532
