When Motherhood Changed the Way She Worked

Becoming a mother made work simultaneously less of a priority, and also much more important at the same time. Everything I do, I do for my girls, and I want to show them that you can pursue a career you're passionate about while still maintaining a healthy work-family balance.

After a recent epilepsy diagnosis for my 22-year-old daughter, I have learned to protect my time fiercely, as this relationship is the most meaningful thing in my life. Understanding how harshly work-life balance is often scrutinized, I now make it a priority to respect and support anyone hesitant to take personal leave to care for their most precious gift, their child.

I was a single mom when I went back to school to be a therapist. I wanted my children to know they can start their dreams and goals at any stage of life. They were my motivation to keep going.

When I became a mother, my priorities shifted almost overnight. After a short time trying to balance the demands of my employer with my desire to be my daughter's primary caregiver, I realized that leaving her in a childcare facility every day wasn't the right fit for me or for our family. So I made the difficult decision to leave my job and take a leap of faith into business ownership. In partnership with my family, we opened a childcare center, which gave me the best of both worlds. I was able to continue contributing financially to our household while also being present for my daughter during those precious early years. It wasn't always easy, but it was a choice that aligned with my values and what mattered most to me at the time. As my career eventually brought me back into the public sector, a new challenge emerged. Like so many working mothers, I often found myself caught between my desire for professional fulfillment and the guilt that came with time spent away from my children. Mom guilt is very real. Even when I knew I was building a meaningful career, providing for my family, and modeling resilience, determination, and success for my children, there were still moments when I questioned whether I was giving enough. Looking back, I realize that both choices were rooted in the same commitment: doing what I believed was best for my family. Whether I was caring for my children at home or pursuing a career I was passionate about, I was showing them the importance of courage, sacrifice, and the confidence to build a life aligned with your values.

Motherhood gave my ambition a heartbeat. Before, I thought success was about how far I could go. Now, it's about who is watching me get there. My children have made me stronger, softer, more intentional, and far less willing to spend my time on things that don't matter.

Motherhood changed more than my schedule. It changed my tolerance for pretending. Becoming a mother made it harder for me to live a lie and much more important for me to tell my son the truth. As a single "Brown woman" raising a "brown boy" in this society, I realized very quickly that I couldn't afford to teach my son one thing while living another. I couldn't tell him to know his worth while accepting less than I deserved. I couldn't tell him to speak his truth while I was constantly silencing my own. I couldn't tell him to walk in confidence while I was shrinking myself to make other people comfortable. Motherhood made me look at myself differently. I started asking myself, What am I showing him? What will he learn from watching me? What kind of man am I helping raise? And sometimes the answers were uncomfortable. My son doesn't just hear what I say. He watches how I handle disappointment. He watches how I love. He watches how I set boundaries. He watches whether I stay when something is hurting me. He watches whether I keep my word. He watches whether I believe in myself. That changed the way I approached my work, my relationships, my purpose, and even my definition of success. I became less willing to tolerate environments, relationships, and situations that required me to abandon myself just to belong. I became more intentional about building a life that reflected the values I was trying to teach my son. Because one day, he is going to be a man navigating a world that will not always see him for who he actually is. I know that as his mother, I cannot protect him from every experience, every stereotype, every disappointment, or every injustice. But I can teach him how to know himself. I can teach him to have integrity when nobody is watching. I can teach him to respect women without believing he has to diminish himself. I can teach him that strength doesn't mean suppressing emotions. I can teach him that accountability and vulnerability can exist in the same man. And perhaps most importantly, I can teach him that his mother was not perfect but she was willing to be honest enough to grow. Motherhood didn't make me lose myself. It forced me to find the woman I wanted my son to see when he looked at me. And that woman had to be real.

Motherhood changed the way I see the children in my classroom. Raising a son with ADHD and autism taught me that progress looks different for every child and that behavior doesn't always tell the whole story. As a teacher, I became more patient, more intentional, and more willing to look beyond a grade to understand what a student needs. Small victories became more important. Quick judgments became harder to tolerate.