Beyond Sisterhood: The Conversation We Need to Have About Women Supporting Women
When Women Don't Support Women: The Uncomfortable Conversation We Need to Have
One of the most powerful forces in my personal and professional journey has been the support of women.
Women who believed in me before I fully believed in myself.
Women who offered guidance when I was navigating unfamiliar terrain.
Women who opened doors, shared opportunities, made introductions, and advocated for me in rooms I had not yet entered.
I would not be where I am today without them.
And yet, if we are serious about advancing women, there is another conversation we need to have.
A more uncomfortable one.
A conversation many women discuss privately but rarely address publicly.
What Happens When Women Do Not Support Other Women?
For years, discussions about gender equity have rightly focused on structural barriers, unequal opportunities, unconscious bias, and the lack of representation in leadership.
Those conversations remain essential.
However, meaningful progress also requires self-reflection.
Sometimes the barriers women face are external.
Sometimes they are internal.
And occasionally, they come from those we expected would understand us best.
The Reality We Don't Always Discuss
Most women can quickly recall a moment when another woman uplifted them.
Many can also recall a moment when another woman withheld support.
The colleague who guarded information rather than sharing it.
The leader who became harder on women than on anyone else.
The mentor who saw potential but chose not to invest in it.
The decision-maker who viewed another woman's ambition as competition rather than contribution.
These experiences are rarely discussed openly because they can feel disloyal to acknowledge.
Yet silence does not help us understand them.
Nor does pretending they do not exist.
Scarcity Creates Strange Behaviours
Part of the challenge may lie in the environments many women have historically navigated.
For decades, leadership structures often allowed room for only a few women at the table.
One female director.
One woman on the executive team.
One woman in a technical leadership role.
One woman in the room.
When opportunity feels scarce, people often become protective.
Not necessarily because they are unkind.
Because they are afraid.
Afraid that opportunities are limited.
Afraid that visibility is finite.
Afraid that success is a zero-sum game.
In environments built on scarcity, collaboration can sometimes be replaced by competition.
The result is that women may begin protecting positions rather than expanding possibilities.
The Cost of Survival
Many senior women have endured challenges that younger generations may never fully appreciate.
They fought battles against exclusion.
They challenged stereotypes.
They overcame barriers that should never have existed.
Many emerged from those experiences with a strong commitment to creating better pathways for others.
Others, however, learned a different lesson.
They learned that success required toughness.
That vulnerability was dangerous.
That helping others could threaten their own position.
That there was only room for one.
Sometimes people unconsciously recreate the very systems they once struggled against.
Not because they intend harm.
Because survival taught them behaviours that later became habits.
Understanding this does not excuse gatekeeping.
But it may help explain it.
Support Is More Than Encouragement
We often talk about women supporting women.
But support is more than liking posts, attending events, or offering words of encouragement.
Real support requires action.
It means:
- Sharing opportunities.
- Making introductions.
- Offering sponsorship.
- Recommending someone for promotion.
- Providing honest feedback.
- Celebrating another woman's success without feeling diminished by it.
Perhaps most importantly, it means believing there is enough room for all of us to thrive.
The Difference Between Mentorship and Sponsorship
Throughout my career, I have learned that mentorship and sponsorship are not the same.
Mentors advise.
Sponsors advocate.
Mentors help you navigate.
Sponsors help you advance.
Many women have mentors.
Far fewer have sponsors.
If we genuinely want to accelerate progress, we need more women willing to actively create opportunities for other women.
Not simply support them in principle.
Support them in practice.
Building Larger Tables
The goal should never be to replace one exclusionary system with another.
Nor should it be to expect women to support women purely because they are women.
Support should be grounded in integrity, capability, and a shared commitment to growth.
But when talented women reach positions of influence, there is an opportunity to make a choice.
To guard the seat.
Or to pull up another chair.
The women I admire most are those who understand that leadership is not diminished by helping others rise.
It is strengthened by it.
A Final Reflection
If we want men to be allies, organisations to be inclusive, and leadership to be equitable, we must also be willing to hold up a mirror to ourselves.
Not with blame.
Not with judgment.
But with honesty.
Progress is not achieved by pretending difficult realities do not exist.
It is achieved by acknowledging them and choosing better.
The true measure of leadership is not how hard we worked to reach the top.
It is how many people can see a path because we chose not to journey alone.
Because the question is not whether women support women.
Many do.
The future of women's advancement will not be determined by policies alone, nor by representation statistics or leadership initiatives. It will also be shaped by the everyday choices women make when they encounter another woman with potential. The choice to share or withhold. To champion or compete. To open a door or quietly close it. Every generation benefits from those who came before them. The question for each of us is simple: When our time comes, will we leave the ladder exactly as we found it, or will we extend it a little further for the women who follow? That, perhaps, is where true leadership begins.
The real question is whether each of us is using our influence to make the journey easier for someone coming behind us.
