The Leader She Promised Herself She Would Never Become

I learned that people do their best work when they feel valued, heard, and supported not simply managed. That experience taught me that the kind of leader I want to be is one who communicates clearly, recognizes people's contributions, and creates space for them to grow.

I once had a manager who was a firm, demanding manager with no empathy. I spoke with her about a particular situation where she mocked me for leaving the office when my mother was being rushed to the hospital for a heart attack. I told her, there are two management styles: an iron fist, and servant leadership. You will get results from both. However, the staff will only give you exactly what you ask for, begrudgingly, with the iron fist, nothing more. With servant leadership, you will get what you asked for and more. It's your choice.

I always tell my students they can learn just as much from a bad manager as they can from a good manager. Then give a couple of examples from my own experience: I once had a manager tell me my curly hair was unprofessional and suggest I straighten it for work; I was filling out new hire paperwork one time and had someone say "I see you checked that you were Hispanic / Latino; is that a mistake, or what?". Then I invite students to share their own horror stories. It's shocking what people in positions of authority will say!

I once had a supervisor who lacked knowledge of the work and did not take the initiative to fully understand our responsibilities. I often found myself explaining the job to her, yet she was still unwilling to step in and support the team when needed. That experience taught me that effective leaders should remain willing to learn, understand the work they oversee, and actively support their team. It showed me exactly the kind of leader I never wanted to be and inspired me to lead with humility, accountability, and a willingness to help.

I once witnessed a leader texting and being dismissive during a pivotal Q&A session for onboarding new clients. I was appalled and I thought to myself, "Presence is a present to the people you serve and lead. Let people know they are being seen and heard and you will gain trust."

A true leader learns from the lesson, owns the mistake, and gains enough wisdom never to repeat it.

Never will I selfishly try to make my team members stay on the team when they want to develop and grow into a new position. I take the stance of "What can I do today, to help you get to where you want to go in the future?"