The Relationship That Taught Her How to Communicate

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is the difference between listening to understand and listening simply to respond. Real communication happens when you stop preparing your answer and genuinely try to understand the other person's perspective even when you disagree.

I learned in a relationship with some student success faculty that with my professional connection to the university CFO, "outside opinions don't matter much and what matters is the lived realities between the CFO and I."

I've learned that good communication starts with listening to understand, not simply listening to respond. When people feel heard and respected, even difficult conversations can lead to understanding and growth.

A challenging relationship later in my career completely transformed how I listen and communicate. I spent months stressed about the dynamic before realizing the shift needed to start with me: I had to accept that experience isn't the only source of good ideas. When I opened myself up to learning from them, the tension melted away into mutual appreciation.

For me personally, one of the most valuable communication lessons I've learned is that listening to understand is far more powerful than listening to respond. When people feel genuinely heard, even difficult conversations can become opportunities for connection and growth. I try my best to focus on what someone is actually saying rather than letting my emotions influence how I interpret their message. By listening first and seeking understanding, I'm able to have more productive conversations, build stronger relationships, and approach difficult situations with greater empathy and professionalism.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned about communication is that you can't assume people feel valued in the same ways you do. As a leader, it's easy to think you're doing the "right" things for your team without ever asking what they actually need. A company might plan a retreat thinking it's a great reward, while an employee with young children would rather have that time with her family or receive a bonus instead. Both can be generous gestures, but only one may actually make that person feel supported. I've learned that good leadership means listening before assuming. I want the people on my team to feel comfortable telling me what motivates them, what they need from me, and what makes them feel appreciated. You can spend a lot of time and money trying to show someone you value them, but if you never ask what feeling valued looks like to them, you may completely miss the mark. That lesson has changed the way I communicate, lead, and build relationships both professionally and personally.

One of the relationships that most shaped my communication skills was a challenging professional relationship early in my career. It taught me that effective communication is not just about speaking clearly, but about listening with empathy and understanding. I learned the importance of pausing before responding, asking thoughtful questions, and seeking to understand before seeking to be understood. It also taught me that difficult conversations require both honesty and compassion. Those lessons continue to guide how I build relationships, resolve conflicts, and support others both personally and professionally.

Growing up, I always thought I was the communicator in the family, but my relationship with my dad completely redefined what it means to actually listen and resolve conflict. My dad is an endless talker, someone who processes every thought out loud, fills every quiet room with stories, and approaches disagreements with a wall of words. For years, our conversations were exhausting endurance matches: he would launch into long, winding explanations, and I would interrupt or talk over him just to get my point across before I lost my turn. The turning point came during a heated debate over a major life choice I was making. As he began his usual long-winded caution, I caught myself preparing my counter-defense instead of listening. This time, I decided to try something completely different: I stayed quiet, let him finish every single thought without interrupting, and then echoed back what I heard him say "It sounds like you're just worried about my security." Watching his shoulders drop in an instant was a revelation. He didn't need to win a debate; he just needed to know his words had actually landed. Learning how to navigate my dad's big, talkative personality gave me communication tools I carry into every part of my life today. He taught me that when someone speaks at length, the solution isn't to compete for airtime, but to listen for the core emotion underneath all the words. Now, whether I'm managing a difficult conversation at work or helping a friend vent, I focus on patient listening, summarizing their point before offering mine, and realizing that sometimes people just need a clear runway to feel completely heard. I love you Dad. Thanks for teaching one of life's greatest lessons.