When She Realized She Needed a Different Kind of Community

Finding the right community changed my understanding of belonging. I learned that belonging is not about fitting into every space; it is about finding spaces where you can show up authentically, grow, and be valued for who you are and who you are becoming.

Just like we own different pairs of shoes for different purposes, I've learned that we need different communities for different parts of our lives. I've been fortunate to find spaces that support me through pregnancy loss and parenting after loss, motherhood in my 40s, and entrepreneurship, each filled with people who understand that particular part of my journey and remind me that the right community doesn't have to understand all of you to deeply support a part of you.

A colleague at work (faculty at Rutgers University) "mansplained" to me in the 1970s that women couldn't be leaders. This made me furious and when I went home, I saw in the newspaper that there was going to be a NOW meeting in New York City that Saturday. I went to the meeting, came home with a pile of papers, and started a NOW chapter in our area. I found my people - feminists.

I thought I belonged at the bar, then the coffee shops, now I know I am God's woman and belong to church.

I find my people through both my Faith Community and my Online Community. It takes people who are really bold and brave to walk paths with me unapologetically because I talk about very personal situations concerning Domestic Violence and Public Corruption.

Finding the right community taught me that belonging should never require shrinking yourself to fit; the right people make room for your growth, celebrate your evolution, and give you the courage to keep becoming. The most meaningful lesson has been that sometimes we find our people and sometimes we are called to build the community we once needed.

For a long time, I thought working hard and delivering results was enough. As my career continues to grow, I realize that growth also requires community, people who challenge you, share perspectives different from your own, and help you see possibilities you may not see for yourself. I've had to become much more intentional about stepping outside of my immediate circle, building relationships, seeking mentorship, and connecting with other women and leaders who are navigating many of the same professional and personal demands. I've learned that the right community doesn't just make you feel like you belong it pushes you to become more of who you're capable of being.

I found the right community when I stopped looking for a place to simply fit in and started surrounding myself with women who inspired me to grow. Being in rooms where we share knowledge, celebrate one another, and create opportunities together completely changed my definition of belonging.

The communities that once fit us do not always fit forever. I stopped shrinking to stay where I used to belong, and found people who made room for who I'd become.