Drkathy Rudolph

The best career advice I ever received came from my husband the night before he went into a coma. He told me that if anything ever happened to him, I needed to step forward and lead, but in doing so, I must remain humble, be overly kind, and most importantly, remain teachable. At first, when he said I needed to remain teachable at age 58, it hurt me a little, and I asked him if I wasn't already those things. He said I was, but because I'm such a presence and such a light that changes every room I walk into, and people are magnetically drawn to me, when I open my mouth, they need to hear kindness and know that I'm humble. And even though I have a doctor's degree, they need to know I'm still teachable. He knew that I have this way about me where people assume things, but he wanted to make sure that when they meet me, they experience someone who is genuinely kind, humble, and always open to learning. That advice has shaped everything I do - I carry it with me every single day, and I read the letter of recommendation my principal wrote about me almost daily to remind myself of the impact of showing up with humility and a teachable spirit.

First of all, listen. And sometimes, listen with your eyes closed. Listen to what the people around you are not saying - we say a lot, but what are we not saying? Have a pen and paper with you to capture those insights. Don't always feel like you have to win. My husband and I would say 'I'm sorry, forgive me' at night, even if neither of us had done anything wrong, because what do you lose by saying 'I apologize'? What will you gain? Be the first to apologize. I've been called too kind, and people don't always understand me, but what they realize is that when they come to me, I'm there for them. You have to believe you're making a difference. The words that you speak may literally save someone's life. I pray for discernment, meaning I pray for what I don't see - maybe someone says a harsh word, but I don't take it personally because there's a cry for help even in harshness. There's a 'help me' even when a person is not being nice or kind. I've been called different because I don't react when people are harsh to me, because if you did it to me, you're telling me in some way to pay attention to you. So I say a good word - 'God bless you' - and maybe three or four weeks later, they'll come back and say 'I'm so sorry,' and I'll say 'no harm.' You have to persevere and believe. Your heart is beautiful inside out, and beauty is beyond the surface. It literally is.

The biggest challenge I'm facing right now is completing my book. I've been writing it for eight years, and my mom told me I need to take this summer and bring it to a close because I've said so much. The challenge is that I can't say everything - I need to summarize and bring it together as a journal-based book, no more than 100 pages. My writing coach, who helped me through my dissertation, told me I need to sit down every day and finish a chapter, and when I ask people to journal, give them a summary of what the journaling is about with suggestions like 'What's on your mind?' The same way I brought my dissertation to a close after four years of focused writing, I need to bring this book to a close. This book is really a way of life for women to find their voice and find their way back from hurt. One woman told me she had a double mastectomy, and through my voices on Facebook and the different live videos, she found her voice and her fight back to want to live again. So I'm trying to be realistic in writing what I call affirmations, but more so inspirations, because people have lost that will to live and they just need to know they have a reason to live. My pastor, who was my husband's confidant, said I must publish it, so that's the challenge and opportunity I'm facing - bringing this eight-year journey to completion so it can help others.

What I value most about my work is giving, but especially the love I receive back from my students. They tell me I need 11 to 24 hugs a day - they actually count them and tell me this because they say I pour out so much of myself. Their parents make them give me hugs, and I might bring roses for a mother or parent tomorrow. I'm southern-born in Mississippi, and we believe in hospitality, so I speak to everybody and I'm always smiling. People say I need to pick them up or ask how I'm always so positive, but I believe that when I give, it comes back. I get up at 4 AM for affirmations and exercise, and before I leave, I'm getting everything and more that I've poured into these students back from their parents, from them, the love. My whole life is giving - it's just that I haven't given enough. I'll buy my students potato chips or pizza on Fridays, and when parents ask why I spoil them, I stand there with tears rolling down my eyes and say 'because I don't know if they're getting it. I don't know if they're getting the love they need, and I know some of the parents I've never met. So that may be the love that they're getting that they need.' I may be the love. I don't come with negative words - I come with 'let's try again tomorrow.' They're probably going to get harsh words at home, but my words have to be soft, reassuring, and loving. We're progressing, not looking for perfection. I believe when I show up, they'll receive, and I'm the hope that they need. I really believe I'm there, I'm the hope.